I Never Know What Is Stress Until Now

I hate myself. I hate being me. I hate being the weak me. The miss mom and dad all the time me. I hate the fact that I couldn't leave my home 50 miles away for 2 months let alone thousands and thousands miles away from home for bloody 6 years. Help me. Please give me the strenght to survive in this world away from dear parents. Please take my emotion away. I dont want to cry every single night missing my parents,missing my home, and help me god,missing my bathroom. I dont want to have any feeling. And if that means I have to forget my dear heroes especially Ian Thornton,so be it. I might regret it later but instead of having my dream being crushed,I'm willing to give it up. Oh..please let it come true. I want to focus on my studies and achieve my dream. I'm so stressed out right now. T_T